If I Could Take It All Back
by The Little Monster 1024
Summary: "She isn't dead!" Martha said to her son. "She might as well be." Richard Castle responded bitterly. **character death**


**AN: So, I really don't know why I wrote this. I was just in one of those moods…I started thinking of dying and how there are a lot of things I'm sure people regret saying when someone they love dies…and well…this happened.**

* * *

"She isn't dead!" Martha said to her son.

"She might as well be." Richard Castle responded bitterly.

* * *

"_Beckett!" Esposito yelled. "Get back!"_

"_Watch out!" Ryan screamed._

_But it was too late. Too late for Kate to see the bullet flying through the air, landing in her chest; in the same place that had been punctured not even a year ago She didn't have her vest. He wasn't supposed to be there. It ripped through her chest with such force it went straight through her. _

_Her gun fell the ground with a thud, followed by her. She fell to the hard ground as blood quickly spilled from her chest. _

_Esposito fired his gun. The man fell not five feet from where Detective Beckett laid, dying. Esposito pulled out his phone and called an ambulance._

_Ryan grabbed her hand. "Beckett, come on." He said, tearing his jacket off and holding it to her chest. He watched as she stared at him with tears in her eyes, struggling to breathe. He found tears gathering in his eyes. _

"_Come on Beckks." Esposito said, joining at her side. "You can do this." _

_Ryan and Esposito exchanged a look, each noticing the tears glistening in the other's eyes.  
"Yeah," Ryan said. "You did it before." He tried to laugh._

_Blood seeped through his jacket. Esposito removed his and together Ryan and Esposito held their jackets to her chest with one hand and one of her hands with the other. _

"_Castle…" She said, a tear escaping.. "I remember." She whispered._

_Esposito and Ryan looked at each other. They didn't know what she meant, but knew she wanted Castle and for once he wasn't by her side.  
"Castle isn't here." Ryan said. "Kate, just stay awake."_

"_J-Just hold on Beckks." Esposito said. "We'll call Castle and get him down here. I just need you to stay awake until they get you to the hospital please."_

"_So sorry, Castle…I remember…" She said, as her eyes slid closed. _

_Ryan quickly dropped her hand and gently touched her face. "Hey, hey, wake up! Come on!" He looked up at Esposito. "Check her pulse!"_

_Esposito grabbed her wrist. Nothing. He listened closely and felt for her breathing. Nothing. "Kev she's not breathing."_

* * *

"She isn't dead!"

"She might as well be." Richard Castle said bitterly.

Martha rolled her eyes. He didn't mean that; he could never mean that. He was hurt. She understood his pain. Why would Kate lie like that?  
"I really thought we could have a future together." Rick said. He would've waited…would've done anything for her. _Would've._

Martha watched the pained expression on her son's face and grew angrier with the detective. Why was she doing this? She saw her in that bank; Richard was the only one she cared about. She loved him, didn't she?

A sound from Castle's phone interrupted their thoughts.

Rick pulled his phone from his pocket and saw a call waiting from Esposito.

He and his mother walked away from the memorial in respect for the families.

"Who is it?" She asked.

"Captain Gates." Rick said in a confused tone. "Castle." He answered.

Martha watched the features on her son's face turn from anger and pain to complete shock and horror. "What's wrong?" She blurted out.

Rick hung up the phone and turned to his mother. He desperately tried to form words, but his attempts were almost useless. "Kate…she was shot…again."

"What?" Martha said.

Rick turned and ran to the street. He needed a taxi. He needed it now. Martha caught up right as he flagged one down.

They hopped in and quickly sped off.

* * *

"Where is he?" Ryan asked, looking over at Gates.

"I called him." She said, looking around at the people in front of her. Dr. Parish stared with teary eyes at the floor, Detective Ryan stared out the window, Detective Esposito paced the small few feet of space that they had to themselves, and Jim Beckett sat wringing his hands sadly.

"He needs to get here; she needs him." Esposito said. The one time Castle decided to not follow her. In fact, Castle had left without telling anyone, which was weird. Maybe he had to go somewhere because of one of his books or maybe he was meeting his mother for lunch; either was he needed to hurry up.

The last time the boys saw her, she wasn't breathing. She wasn't breathing when they loaded her into the ambulance. Ryan and Esposito shared a look. What were the odds of her surviving two gunshots?

"Mr. Beckett?" Came the voice of the doctor, sending everyone's eyes to focus on the man as Jim Beckett stood slowly.

* * *

Castle flung money at the cabbie way more than he owed for sure, but he didn't care. He ran as fast as he could trough the waiting room, scanning the place until he saw Lanie from behind. He ran up to them.

"Guys, how is she? I came as quick as I-" He paused when he looked at the faces of the people around him. Lanie was in Esposito's arms as tears silently fell from Esposito's eyes, Ryan's tears flowed freely, and Gates wiped at her eyes.

_No. No. They're just scared. She's not…_

His eyes wandered to Jim Beckett and when he saw the man sitting in a chair with his face buried in his hand he knew it was true.

"No." He whispered. "No, guys." His voice broke. "No. She's…how is she? Can I see her? She's not going to want to wake up in there…" A sob escaped his lips.

"Richard do you realize how much you-" Martha stopped dead in her tracks at the tears coming down her son's face. "Oh my…no." She whispered. "Oh Richard."

Castle turned and enveloped his mother in a hug for fear that he'd crumble to the ground if something wasn't holding him up.

He cried and whispered her name softly. He looked up from his mother's hair to see Lanie approaching. His mother backed away so that Castle could pull the ME into a hug.

"I'm so sorry Castle." She whispered into his chest.

Castle squeezed her tighter and looked up at Esposito and Ryan. "What happened?" He asked, shakily.

Ryan and Esposito exchanged looks. Ryan wiped at his eyes and nodded at his partner.

Esposito took a deep breath. "We were heading to the explosion site to do another quick canvass…on our way there we walked past as alley where we saw a man trying to…take advantage of a young girl…we went in to help and…Beckett" His voice cracked. "Ran in….and the girl quickly got away…the man pulled out a gun and-and shot her."

"She was asking for you." Ryan said.

Castle looked up. "She was?"

The boys nodded.

"And I wasn't there." He whispered. "I should've been there…I-I could've…"

"You couldn't have done anything." Jim Beckett said, joining them. "Katie wouldn't have let you."

Castle suddenly felt like a total ass. Kate was not his girlfriend…just his friend; partner. But she _was_ Jim's daughter. The man in front of him had lost his wife and now his daughter.

"I'm sorry Jim." Castle said.

Jim nodded. He was staying strong for all of them. Lord only knows how he'd be when he got home to his apartment.

"Castle…" Esposito began.

Castle looked at him.

"Kate…she kept saying that she remembered something." He paused. "And she said that she was sorry and she remembered."

Castle felt his heart sink as he caught him mother's eyes. She was sorry. She was sorry and he had stormed out like and idiot. He left her. He acted like a child. He said-oh god.

He felt a sob escape his lips. He didn't mean it. He would take it back. He didn't mean it.

* * *

**Okay, I hate myself for writing this…but it happened. I know it ends at a bad spot but that's how I wanted it to end…I hope you liked it. Reviews please?**

**Follow Me on Tumblr: accidents-and-accusations **


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